My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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