What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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