Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
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You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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