man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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