a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So here I am, sexting at work.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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