I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize