she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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