She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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