I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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