after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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