I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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