trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize