She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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