yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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