They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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