Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize