I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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