His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
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He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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