I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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