I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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