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my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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