I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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