I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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