If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize