Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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