fuck your aforementioned shoe
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize