yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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