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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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