if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize