You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize