Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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