Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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