every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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