I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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