White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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