You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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