if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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