The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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