some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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