im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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