I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This baby is an asshole
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Bring me that man meat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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