And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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