i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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