sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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