What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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