nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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