I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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