hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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