Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize