So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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